Creative Cursing

Sometimes, what you use instead of profanity will get people's attention more than cursing itself.

I had a professor in college years ago whose use of words could be very creative.

One example: instead of the common phrase, he would say, when irritated, that something "was a tremendous pain in the lower dorsal area".

Now, even in a college classroom, he could have gotten away with the more profane way of saying that. But if he had, I probably wouldn't remember it as well as what he actually said, and, I trust, most of my classmates from that time remember it as well.

We all know there are ways of stating your feelings without "no-no words", but we say them anyway. Just hopefully, as we've seen lately, not on the air.

Here's another example, coincidentally, from the same time as my professor's comment.

It comes from longtime New York radio personality, Dan Ingram, who one day was lamenting construction-on a holiday weekend, no less-on one of New York's major highways, and which, not surprisingly, resulted in a worse-than-usual traffic mess.

Referring on the air to the person who gave the go-ahead for this project, Ingram told his listeners, "I can't discuss the location of this guy's brain, but if he gets Montezuma's Revenge, he'll blow his mind."

That has more ingenuity, and, frankly, is funnier, than the normal way of saying that.

My final comment on this is much more serious, but in the same vein.

Prosecutors in Cleveland have said they plan to seek the death penalty for Ariel Castro, the suspect who, it is alleged, kidnapped and kept three young women in his home for nearly a decade, and, again it is suspected, raped one of them and forced her to give birth to their biological child in a plastic swimming pool.

I don't know about the death penalty. But if he is convicted (and "if" can't be emphasized enough), it should be made certain he is never again physically able to father another child.

There is, of course, another way of saying that. But the way I said it makes the point.


By the way, several media outlets are reporting that the former TV anchor whose poor choice of words made him a former TV anchor has a new job.

It is reported A.J. Clemente has been hired as a bartender.
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